Let Go and Let God

HOW TO STOP MISSING SOMEONE: rule #1: know the common denominator.

Missing someone that you love is normal, but when it starts impending upon your emotional well being and livelihood, the common denominator is always: a failure to accept by means of avoidance. 

We engage in avoidance because as long as we can avoid acceptance (& continue to argue with reality), we have a valid reason to emotionally block our own healing.

By doing this, we renew our license to continue to partake in self blaming grief, bargaining, anger, denial..

You’ve now entered a mindset that’s based more in the delusion of your fears than the reality you’re avoiding. Establishing a healthy relationship with reality is necessary to ACCEPT, so that you can feel your feelings and heal despite the heartbreak associated with loss and missing someone.

HOW TO STOP MISSING SOMEONE rule #2: stop running.

When you’re searching for how to stop missing someone, first examine how fast you’ve been running. Today, I still deal with pain, longing, missing and heartbreak. The only difference is that I feel my feelings, independent of my value. I no longer run from my feelings and devalue myself.

I used to be just like a dog that would bury the bone and run. I’d bury my un-dealt-wth trauma and literally run into the next relationship because I had no idea how to depend on my savior, process, heal and feel good about myself without anyone to impress.

I convinced myself that if I just found someone that could “make me happy,” the buried bones would either disappear, or I’d magically have the confidence to go back and dig them up.

Today, I get into relationships – whether they be romantic or friendships – BECAUSE I feel good about myself, I know who I am that God says I am and I’m happy. NOT to make me feel good about myself, tell me who I am and make me happy.

I learned the hard way that there were only so many bones I could bury and so much running I could do before it all caught up with me. I was so busy swinging like a crazed ape from one drama to the next; one relationship to the next, that I never dealt with any of my pain, my grief and my issues. I couldn’t, it was too painful and it required the only thing that I was incapable of – walking it out with my personal Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who by his stripes we are healed.

And because I was too emotionally vulnerable from being hurt by others to deal with the all of the unearthed bones that I thought were buried, my low self esteem convinced me that this completely unglued emotional state was more of an indicator of my ex’s irreplaceable value than it was of my avoidance & lack of Godly self love. To cultivate this Godly self love, it takes a renewed mind in Christ and a genuine relationship with Christ to work with you and heal your wounds. You cant truly learn to appreciate or know your own self worth until you understand your value from Jesus perspective and his work on the cross because of his deep true love for you. You were bought for a price by his blood because your value is by far more immeasurable than our own standards.

This is what we help you restore in Christian Counseling; your correct understanding of Christ’s standards of your value as his beloved. Only the author of the heart can heal it and his name is Jesus Christ of Nazareth. A fully restored healed heart and a correct understanding of our personal worth set by our creator releases us from starving ourselves in toxic relationships that breadcrumb conditional love with a false sense of hope. The reason we miss our ex is because they filled an emotional need and until we correct meeting that need in a Godly way, that void will not be filled within us. You have to analyze what emotional need the ex was filling in your relationship and get those needs met in a healthy Godly way.